The Lie of Stoic Strength

By Kim Brassor

One Voice Evolving

Trouble with 12-Step

I was taught that being strong meant being silent.

It meant swallowing my tears, keeping my chin up, and proving I could endure anything without falling apart.

Maybe you were too.

The message was clear: don’t cry, don’t complain, don’t need anyone. If something broke your heart, you should’ve been smarter. If you collapsed, you weren’t strong enough. If you spoke your pain out loud, you were dramatic, messy, weak or even worse - high maintenance.

Where That Script Comes From

We didn’t invent this story. It was handed to us.

The system of whiteness, patriarchy, and capitalism all need us to be stoic. They depend on our silence. If we never speak our pain, nothing has to change. If we keep carrying impossible loads, the system gets to keep running.

For women of the global majority, this silence is even more punishing: resilience is demanded as proof of worth, but the moment rage or grief shows, it’s weaponized against them. For white women, stoic resilience was often survival inside patriarchy. It was the wall that kept them complicit in the suffering of others.

The Cost of Stoicism 

This script isolates us. It tells us our pain is private, our healing is personal, and our worth depends on never showing cracks. It leaves us lonely. It leaves us ashamed.

 And it leaves us exhausted. 

 Reclaiming Strength 

What if strength wasn’t about silence?

What if strength meant asking for help?

What if strength meant naming what hurts, instead of swallowing it whole? 

Our true power is not in hiding our wounds. It’s in tending to them, together. 

One Voice Evolving 

This is why I’m here. This is why One Voice Evolving exists. Because we deserve to redefine resilience — not as stoic silence, but as collective healing. 

👉🏽 Tell me: what’s the first time you remember being told to "be strong”? Share it in the comments, or write it down for yourself. That’s where the story begins.

Join us as a paid subscriber on Substack HERE. Share your story. Share your scars. Share your healing.

And if you're so inclined, subscribe to our podcast "One Voice Evolving: Resilience Reimagined" on YouTube HERE. New episodes drop at 3:00 P.M. on Fridays.

✍🏽 Author’s Note

This space is for women over 40 who are tired of performing strength, and ready to reimagine resilience as healing. I am walking this with you, and together, we evolve.

Deconstructing my whiteness is ongoing work that requires truth, discomfort, and community. One Voice Evolving is where I practice that accountability out loud, and I invite you to step into it with me on Substack by becoming a paid subscriber HERE.