No More Swallowing the Scream

My ex-husband’s psychiatrist said something to me years ago that I’ve never forgotten. He said: “There’s no excuse for bad behavior.”

Not “no explanation.” Not “no story.” Not “no diagnosis.” He meant: no excuse.

Because explanation can be real and still not be a free pass. Trauma can be real. ADHD can be real. Anxiety can be real. Stress can be real. Overwhelm can be real.

And still—how you treat people matters. Especially the ones closest to you. Especially the ones who have been absorbing your overflow for years.

Here’s the line I wish more of us were taught earlier: Your pain is valid. Your impact is your responsibility.

And if you grew up trained to tolerate explosions—to “understand,” to “be patient,” to “not trigger,” to “keep the peace”—let me name what that training does: It makes you confuse compassion with consent.

So today, if you need a boundary that doesn’t apologize, borrow this: “I care about you. And I won’t be spoken to like that.” “We can talk when your voice is respectful.” “Your feelings are real. Your behavior is a choice.”

Not a punishment. A standard. Because love without standards isn’t love. It’s survival.

And you don’t have to become collateral damage by consent.

Here when you need us,
—Kim