💔The Blind Side of Divorce in the Church

By Kim Brassor

Today, I’m writing from a deeply personal place.

When the wife of Ken Paxton, a prominent Texas Republican and Christian nationalist figure, cites “biblical grounds for divorce” after 30 years of marriage, that phrase carries layers of religious, political, and cultural meaning.

✅ Biblical grounds for divorce

Within conservative Christian traditions, divorce is generally discouraged unless specific conditions are met—usually:

• Adultery (based on passages like Matthew 19:9)

• Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15)

• Physical or emotional abuse (in some modern interpretations, though historically many churches ignored this).

Angela Paxton citing “biblical grounds” for divorce is:

• A religious and political shield

• A signal to her community that she’s not rebelling against faith

• An act to protect her own moral standing in a conservative, patriarchal, Christian nationalist context

• A deeply colonial performance that reveals how faith and politics intertwine to regulate women’s private decisions in public life

I’ve been divorced more than once. And by far, the deepest wounds came not from the divorces themselves, but from church leadership questioning my grounds—and my right—to a “legitimate” divorce.

Their demands to know whether I had standing—and questioning my mother’s heart even as I was setting a living example for my daughters that it’s never too late to stand against abuse—was mind-numbing.

The fallout was relentless. The judgment was harsh. The distrust from other women in the faith community was real—especially when they couldn’t trust their men around a divorcee.

The first time, after 22 years of marriage inside the church, I learned the brutal reality of compound losses.

The church even split over who supported us—and who didn’t.

We didn’t just lose a marriage. We lost:

• ministry

• community

• friendships

• home

• lifestyle

• standing

• status

• connection

• sex life

• income

• faith

• security

My last divorce, outside the church and without “biblical grounds,” cost me even more. I lost parts of my family. I faced shunning. I became alienated from those I cherished and forgotten by future generations of my family.

The cost is real.

These are the compound losses no one prepares you for—spiritual, financial, social, and intimate losses that ripple outward and redefine your entire life.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. And I want One Voice Evolving to be a place where we speak these truths—where silence no longer wins.

👉 Have you been through a divorce—inside or outside a faith community—and faced unexpected fallout?

👉 Did your church, your family, or your community turn away when you needed them most?

I’d love to hear your story. I’m considering future pieces—and possibly podcast conversations—on this topic. Email me if you’d like to share: [email protected].

Let’s keep evolving together.

—Kim

Subscribe or comment here → YouTube.com/@onevoiceevolving

Join me as I continue the conversation on the Church's response to divorce with Janice Vance on her podcast:

Women Majoring in Marriage

I recently joined Janice L. Vance on her podcast to share my story—one rooted in faith, resilience, and the difficult decision to leave a dysfunctional marriage.

We discussed:

✔️ The emotional, spiritual, and social cost of “biblical submission”

✔️ The church’s response to women seeking safety

✔️ Why silence is no longer an option for so many of us

This wasn’t just a conversation—it was a reclaiming.

📅 Episode Release: July 23 @ 2PM

📌 Topic: Dysfunctional Marriages & the Christian Response

And because I know how hard it is to take that first step, I created a free Speak Up Starter Pack—a resource for anyone navigating harmful faith-based dynamics and ready to reclaim their voice with clarity and dignity.

🔗 Download the episode HERE

💬 Whether you’re in leadership, ministry, or navigating your own healing—this is for you.

Let’s center healing over hierarchy.

#FaithLeadership #GenderEquity #ReligiousTraumaRecovery #DecolonizeChristianity #JusticeDrivenFaith #WomenInMinistry #SpeakUpStarterPack #LinkedInForJustice